no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
