According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
