that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
