to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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