Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize