had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
