the condom got lost in my hair
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Randomize
