Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
