I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Randomize