dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
