That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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