if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Randomize
