I think I died a long time ago.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I have aggressive nipples.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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