we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
