Don't make out with my wife yet
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
