We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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