My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
...so i touched it.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
