I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
