Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Princesses don't give blow jobs
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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