First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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