anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
