sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
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