I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
