I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
