hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize