My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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