just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
