I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
