Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
