yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
