Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize