I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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