You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
