oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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