I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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