WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
