you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Just cropdusted the office
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
