guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
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