I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Randomize
