I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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