it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
