White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize