I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
