I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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