One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
