mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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