So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
