Best friends brother. Beat that.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I am naked and annoyed.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
