Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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