Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
