What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
