now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize
