im drinking this country out of the recession.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
