pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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