I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
