Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Randomize
