..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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