Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
