Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
okay pat passed out under dana's car
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
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