hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
