Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
