i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
