i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
