I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize