I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Randomize
