youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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