just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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