My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
