My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
How drunk are you?
Completed.
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