you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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