hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
