I could have mohawked her pubes.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
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