I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
no, he came in my armpit
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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