Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
