hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize