You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Randomize
