I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Randomize
