You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
