Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
