i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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