Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
