I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Send help, water and tortillas.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
