I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
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