I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
