At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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