I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
