I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Randomize
