you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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