Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
