Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize