I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
