yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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