I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
