Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
