i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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