I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
even my farts smell like vagina
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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