god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
