Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Randomize
