i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Randomize
