I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
