I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
my liver is dry heaving
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
