Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
