farters have to be the big spoon...
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
