I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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