i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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