bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Randomize
