I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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