I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
