I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
