wanna go halves on a baby?
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
