I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
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