What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize