clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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