he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize