I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Randomize
