We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
