Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
